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I thought that Baby's Mama Drama only happened in ‘hood
movies and trashy commercial black fiction. I’m surprised
there isn’t a Baby’s Mamas Gone Wild video out yet. I never
thought that this subject would be the inspiration for my first
book, far less a part of my life. But to write the first-ever
survival guide for wives faced with Baby’s Mama Drama? It’s
a dirty job, but somebody had to do it.
This is not a book intended to belittle women who are single
mothers. I certainly don’t think that all single mothers or
women who are no longer with the father of their child(ren)
possess the typical “Baby’s Mama” attitude. I personally
know women who are no longer romantically involved with
their children’s father, but are energetic, wise, and beautiful
individuals. I admire these women as I would any other
person with positive traits, but as for the Baby’s Mamas of the
world—I have yet to witness a significant evolution.
Child Support: Your Husband’s Gotta Pay It
Okay, so BM can’t really afford the shiny car that she’s driving. She still lives with her mama, or else
refuses to move out of the roach-infested apartment in which your stepchildren live. BM gets her nails
done yet spends no money on educational enrichment for your stepchildren. BM parties and leaves her
children with anyone who will watch them or else leaves them by themselves if they’re old enough to dial
911.
And even though BM may socially, educationally, and emotionally neglect her children, she does pride
herself on being dedicated to dressing them in the latest Polo, Enyce, Gap, Timberland boots, DKNY
sweaters, and Reebok sneakers. There’s nothing wrong with making sure your children are dressed in
clean, decent clothes, but before you buy the Baby Phat, make sure that the baby’s getting “phat”
nutritious meals and that she’s being exposed to new and exciting things. And no, the movie theater
does not count!
What is Her Problem?
Have you tried starting off on the right foot but noticed that no matter how cordial, polite, patronizing, and
accommodating you were, there was always the lingering scent of BM’s funky attitude? In addition to
keeping yourself from smacking BM whenever she spoke to your husband in a rude tone, you also began
to notice that BM made extra efforts to direct nasty comments or behavior toward you.
You may have experienced some of these things:
- Unusually prolonged stares from BM when your husband drops off/picks up the visiting
stepchildren. - If you say hello to BM or try to make small talk her responses are harsh or nonexistent.
- BM calls your home and refuses to ask politely to speak with your husband or her children if they
are visiting. - BM tells your in-laws horrible lies about you.
- BM tells your stepchildren that they don’t have to listen to you or follow your household’s rules.
You may be thinking Why me? If BM has a problem, she needed to settle that score with my husband a
long time ago; he’s the one who's connected to her, not me! This is a sound premise but if you’re reading
this book then you should know by now that BM is no pacifist philosopher intrigued by logic.
In BM’s twisted mind, YOU are the outsider. YOU are the enemy. In fact, BM probably believes YOU put an
ancient African spell on your husband so he would marry you—because it is YOU who has stolen him
from her and their children, right? BM believes that bearing your husband’s children gives her the right to
own their father and his future. Maybe in a fairytale, but in real life, all men and women stand the chance
of losing a partner for myriad reasons.
BM will do her best to isolate you from the stepchildren, from your husband, and even the extended
family. You may feel like a worker ant in your queendom instead of the queen, but don’t let this fool make
you take off your crown for a Battle Royale. Instead you must allow her to tumble mindlessly into the moat
and drown in her own foolishness.
Violent Baby's Mama
She’s Always Ready to Rumble
So BM has threatened to beat you to a bloody pulp.
Some wives would gladly take on BM’s challenge,
while others will become paranoid about leaving their
homes. I’m sure both types of women would agree that
they’d be better off without having to deal with BM’s
threats and harassment.
you have the same fantasy starring her. But if she makes this desire known and you become truly fearful
for your life and for your family’s safety then BM has gone too far. You married a man with a past, but you
did not marry a life of harassment, physical threats, and discomfort. Others may attempt to rationalize
the situation with comments such as, You knew what you were getting into, or Well, what did you expect?
These are nonsensical statements -- do not let this kind of thinking convince you that you deserve
anyone’s abuse.
Sometimes BM will act out because of her emotional attachment to your husband. This is why (as you
read in Chapter 2) your husband must make sure that he never sends BM any mixed messages. Your
husband must help BM understand that he is married to a woman he deeply respects. If BM thinks that
she can convince your husband to disregard your feelings, then she will attempt to walk all over you. You
and your husband must always put forth a united front so BM knows that her threats or harassment will
not be tolerated.
Don’t Be Nosy
When stepchildren decide to share information about living with BM, sometimes wives can’t help but be
nosy. It’s almost like live entertainment. You get to have a front row seat in the life of a curious creature, not
unlike a show from The Animal Planet channel. It’s tempting, isn’t it? But you know you have better things
to do with your time than to become an undercover tabloid reporter or biographer on the life of BM.
Here’s an example of just how nosy some wives can be:
Wife: So, is your mother working today?
Child: No. She went to get her hair done because she’s going to a party tonight.
Wife: What kind of party? Who’s having a party?
Child: I don’t know.
Wife: Have you ever seen her get dressed for a party?
Child: Yes.
Wife: Wow, that must be interesting. What kind of clothes does she wear? Short skirts with a lot of red lipstick?
Child: Yes. She likes to wear her favorite blond wig a lot.
Wife: What time does she come home? Pretty late, I bet.
Child: Sometimes we don’t see her until the next day. My grandmother says my mother needs to grow up and stop
spending all her money on clothes because we don’t even have a lot of books to read at home. She just buys herself
magazines.
Wife: That’s a shame.
You wouldn’t like it if BM asked your stepchild all kinds of personal information about you and your
husband. BM probably does this, but that doesn’t mean that you should stoop to her level. If she wants to
fixate herself on the highs and lows of your life instead of improving her own, that’s her problem. You can’t
help it if you’ve become the latest celebrity to step out on BM’s red carpet, but don’t fall into the trap of
believing her life is worth picking your stepchild’s brain.
