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advice@ayeshagallion.com. Your question may be edited for
length and clarity. For other Q&As, check the bottom of this page.
Hi. I am married and have a 5 month old with the love of
my life. He has a beautiful 3 year old little girl that I love like my
own. His baby mama has been trouble from the start. When I
first met my husband she was constantly calling him trying to
sleep with him. When I was 5 months pregnant her and her
little friends put this notion in his head that my son wasn't his.
THen after I had my son and we got married she saw that I
wasn't going anywhere so she left the state. Came back 3
months later pregnant with someone else's baby. She did this
all to make my husband jealous which obviously didnt work,
so then she wanted us all to be friends.
charge while I was at work and I said no, thanks. She invited us to a Halloween party and I said no,
thanks.I guess she was upset so she called me at work and we had a huge argument where she called
me immature and childish.
A couple of weeks later I try and pick up my stepdaughter and she wants to
fight me. At this time she was about 5 months pregnant so of course I just stayed in the car but she was
yelling saying my child was a bastard and so forth. So my husband decided that he wanted to just stay
away from that situation for a while. So 4 months later SHE'S BACK. I have decided to just stay out of that
scene for a while. I don't go get her and my husband has a cell phone that his daughter calls. He still
complains that she is a problem. What should I do? I want to support my husband but at the same time I
have my own child to worry about.
Jasmine from Atlanta, GA
I can not wait until my book is released in May. I wish you could turn right to the chapters on the Rude
Ex and the chapter on the Psycho ex. The new Web site should be up by the end of this week and
you'll be able to read excerpts from the book. Unfortunately, you won't be able to purchase old versions
of the "self-published" edition, but I assure you that the new version, being released by Kensington in
May is just as good if not better.
As for you, congratulations on the baby! There's a chapter that deals with what happens when you and
hubby decide to have a baby of your own and the challenges that may come about from that. I think it's
great right now that you're laying low and allowing your hubby to fend off BM by himself. Because
truthfully, you should be concentrating on keeping your baby safe--and you can't do that if you're
mentally stressed out because of BM's ill behavior and nonsense.
I see that this BM has a habit of trying to come in and out of your hubby's and your life. I'm sure that
may have an effect on your stepdaughter. You have to let go of your frustrations concerning BM leaving
the state, etc. If she want to have an insane lifestyle then by all means it's her party, but you nor your
hubby have to attend. Hubby should have a clear visitation schedule outlined with BM and in writing. It
is also very common that fathers who have disagreeable BMs opt to "stay away" or "cut" BM out of their
lives indefinitely. I can understand why your hubby has the cell phone that his daughter calls, etc.
However, your hubby has to make sure that he doesn't allow BM's tantrums or silliness to pull him out
of his character--meaning basically--stooping to her level. It's up to both of you to show that you mean
business regarding her negative energy. If she's not mentally well enough to be that much a part of
your lives, then it's still possible to enjoy your stepdaughter, you and hubby will just have to find a legal
way to ensure this.
In the book I do talk about the silly things that BMs may wear or do to get their child's father or the wife
(you, in this case) jealous. Don't sweat it, in fact, pity the poor child who was conceived under such
circumstances. Unless BM gets to a therapist, she'll do a lot of silly things. All you can do is shake
your head and at the same time, make sure that it doesn't affect your quality of life.
All in all, your husband must take the first steps in protecting your home and himself from BM. If that
means getting a restraining order, or getting visitation schedules in writing, etc, then so be it. You and
your husband have a beautiful baby to raise, and yes, he has a daughter with BM, but it is your
responsibility as a mom to give your child the best atmosphere that he or she deserves. That
atmosphere doesn't have to include the drama, but like I said, you and hubby must come up with a
plan.
It takes time, but if you remain united, you'll both be much more happier and as for BM...well, she'll
be...herself, except YOU won't have to deal with the bulk of her nonsense once you get your filters in
place.
Also, if you are feeling overwhelmed (as in wanting to leave the marriage because BM's drama is too
much) that's understandable, too. Talk to hubby about this and I strongly suggest family counseling
because being in a blended family is not an innate skill, it takes time to resist the urge to stoop to
BM's level. This will allow you and your hubby to learn healthy ways to move forward.
All the best, and I'll keep you posted as to when the book is available.
Ayesha
More Questions and Answers
Click on the topic to read the advice for each issue
I'm ready to leave my husband
I feel insecure, and BM is out of control
BM keeps hanging around my fiancee's family!
